You matter in this too
Parents, partners and siblings often put their own lives on hold. You may be checking your phone all night, covering bills, missing work or keeping secrets from friends. Over months, that kind of stress can wear down sleep, health, marriage and work.
Your loved one’s recovery isn’t something you can control. Your own well-being is something you can protect. When you are steadier, you also make clearer choices and stay calmer in hard talks, which helps your loved one more than worry does.
You don’t need your loved one’s permission to get support. You can start today, whether they are in treatment, refusing it or somewhere in between.
Signs you may be running on empty
Common signs
- Trouble sleeping or sleeping all the time
- Feeling numb, hopeless or always on edge
- Pulling away from friends because it’s easier than explaining
- Your own drinking, eating or health habits slipping
- Arguing more with your partner or other children
When to get more help
- You feel depressed for weeks, or think about harming yourself
- Your health is suffering, such as blood pressure or chest pain
- You feel unsafe at home
- You can’t function at work or care for other children
If you are thinking about suicide or are in crisis, call or text 988 any time. If you are in danger, call 911.
Small things that help
- Sleep first. Put your phone on Do Not Disturb at night, with only one or two numbers allowed through.
- Tell one person. A friend, a sibling, a pastor or a counselor. Secrets make this heavier.
- Keep one normal thing. A walk at the Riverwalk, a weekly lunch, church, the gym. Something that is yours.
- See your own doctor. Tell them what you’re dealing with. Stress affects your body.
- Go to a meeting. Al-Anon, Nar-Anon or SMART Recovery Family & Friends are free and full of people who understand.
Boundaries, without the guilt
A boundary is a limit on what you will do, not a rule for someone else. “You have to stop drinking” is a demand. “I won’t give you cash anymore” is a boundary. You can keep it no matter what your loved one does.
- “I love you, and I won’t lie to your boss for you.”
- “You can live here if there are no drugs in the house.”
- “I’ll drive you to an assessment any time. I won’t pay for anything else right now.”
Boundaries feel harsh at first, but they often help. They stop the family from absorbing every consequence, which can be part of what helps someone see the problem. Our page on how to talk to a loved one explains this idea from the CRAFT approach.
Places to turn for support
- Family support groups. Free meetings, in person around Jacksonville and online. See our support groups guide.
- Your own counselor. A therapist can help you sort through fear, anger and grief. Check your insurance for mental health benefits.
- Your workplace. Many employers offer an employee assistance program (EAP) with free, private counseling sessions. You may also be able to take job-protected leave. See our FMLA guide.
- SAMHSA’s National Helpline. Call 1-800-662-4357, free and confidential, 24 hours a day, in English and Spanish.
- 988. Call or text 988 for a mental health or substance use crisis, including your own.
For the hardest moments, our guides to what to do after a relapse and the Marchman Act may help. Everything for families is on our help for families page.
Questions from parents and partners
Is it my fault my child has a substance use disorder?
No. Substance use disorders come from a mix of factors, including genetics, environment, stress and mental health. Blaming yourself drains the energy you need to help and to heal.
How do I stop enabling without abandoning my loved one?
Keep offering love and help toward treatment, and stop paying for or covering the use itself. For example, you might buy groceries but not hand over cash. A counselor or family group can help you sort out the gray areas.
Where can parents in Jacksonville get support?
Al-Anon, Nar-Anon and SMART Recovery Family & Friends hold free meetings in the area and online. You can also find a counselor through your insurance or your employer’s EAP.
Is it okay to take a break from my loved one?
Yes. Stepping back to rest or to protect your safety is not giving up. You can let them know you love them and will be there when they are ready for help.